On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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