Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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