You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
