i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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