I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
