I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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