its not stalking. its research.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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