Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
