yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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