I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
