I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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