i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
