How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize