What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
