your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
