absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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