Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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