Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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