her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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