I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
