I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
