I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
