so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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