does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
