there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
