The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
