I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize