Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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