we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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