Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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