I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
