Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
