I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
