the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My life is pants optional.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
