burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize