she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
