I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm like, not good at living.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
