okay pat passed out under dana's car
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize