After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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