I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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