No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize