He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
