Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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