Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize