I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
