marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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