I want to have your abortion
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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