Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
