After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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