Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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