dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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