I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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