If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
