we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
