it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
