I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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