It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
