I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
