He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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