So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn victory sex feels great
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
