Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
