I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
