I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
