my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
