If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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