Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
