I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
