i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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