i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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