this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I deserve this hangover.
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